Mature Love v Immature Love

Laila Shares:

Finally i understand what Eric Fromm meant :)

Originally posted on What Is Real True Love?:

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Erich Fromm, in “The Art of Loving,” wrote, “Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says: ‘I need you because I love you’.”

The first statement is based on dependency—I am dependent on you, I am under-developed as a person, I am young and I am just starting out in adulthood and I am glomming onto you, relying on you to support me emotionally and psychologically (maybe even financially), to validate me, to give me a sense of who I am, to make me feel special,  loved, wanted, valuable, complete, to compliment me, to make me feel better, to make my life better, easier, more fun, and because you are doing that, and because I am getting all of that from you and this relationship right now, that is why I “love” you. (But should that change, I’ll look elsewhere…

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Plato & Socrates on Love, Marriage, Affair & Life

One day, Plato asked Socrates, his teacher and mentor, “What is love?”

Socrates replied, “Plato, take a walk through the wheat field nearby. Without turning back, walk forward, and pick the most magnificent stalk of wheat you can find. However, you are allowed to pick only one.”

Plato followed Socrates’ instructions, confident that he would find the best stalk of wheat in the field. Before long though, he returned empty-handed. Socrates asked, “Why have you picked nothing?” Plato replied, “I had found the most magnificent stalk of wheat as soon as I walked into the field, but since I was only allowed one pick, and I could not turn back, I thought I could find a better one further ahead. However, I could not find a better one as I kept searching, so I returned with none.”

“And that is love,” said Socrates.

Some days later, Plato asked Socrates another question. “What is marriage,” he asked. Socrates answered: “Go to the woods, and as before, without turning back, bring me back the best and strongest tree in the forest. Again, you’re only allowed to choose one, so choose wisely.”

Plato walked through the woods, and returned soon after with a tree. However, the tree was not strong nor tall. Socrates asked him, “Is this the best tree in the forest?” Plato answered, “No, but I didn’t want to return empty handed like last time, and while I’m sure there are better trees in the forest, I felt I could not afford to miss the opportunity at this tree.”

“And that is marriage,” said Socrates.

On yet another day, Plato asked, “What is an affair?” Socrates answered, in his usual way, “Head to the woods, and look for the most beautiful flower. This time, you’re allowed to look wherever you want, and you can retrace your steps if you must.” Plato, given these instructions, went into the woods full of confidence. In a short time, he had found the most beautiful, most colorful blooming flower in the forest, and picked it out of the soil for his return. As he returned, however, the flower began to wilt. When he arrived, Socrates asked, “Is this the most beautiful flower in the forest?” Plato answered, “Yes, I discovered this most beautiful of flowers, but as I returned, the flower began to lose its color and beauty.”

“And that, is an affair,” said Socrates.

Now older and wiser, Plato asked Socrates once more, “What is life?” Socrates pondered for a moment, and told Plato, “As before, go to the woods, and find the most beautiful flower there is. You can go anywhere, and pick as many as you want.” Remembering all his previous experiences, Plato walked into the woods again. But after three days and three nights, he had still not returned. Socrates, with a bit of concern, went out in search of Plato. Before long, Socrates had found him, in a makeshift camp that Plato had set up. He asked Plato, “Have you found the most beautiful of flowers?” Plato pointed to a flower right next to his camp site, and said, “That is the most beautiful flower in the forest.” Socrates inquired, “Why have you not picked it yet?” Plato answered thoughtfully, “If I pick it, it would wither like the last one. But even if I don’t pick it, it will wither and die sooner or later. So while it is in full bloom, I will live beside it, admiring it from here. When it finally wilts, I will look for the next most beautiful flower. This is already the second flower.”

Socrates took this in, and said, “Now you understand the essence of life.”

Note: This is one of the most beautiful story i’ve ever heard of and caused me goosebumps! Thanks Yim for your post. I was looking for it!

Dreams – The Cranberries

All my life
Is changing every day
In every possible way

In all my dreams
It’s never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems

I know I’ve felt like this before
But now I’m feeling it even more
Because it came from you

Then I open up and see
The person falling here is me
A different way to be

I warn more
Impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore

They’ll come true
Impossible not to do
Impossible not to do

Now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don’t hurt me
You’re what I couldn’t find

Totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You’re everything to me

All my life
Is changing every day
In every possible way

And oh my dreams
It’s never quite as it seems
Cause you’re a dream to me
Dream to me

Can You Be In Love With More Than One Person At The Same Time?

Technically you can love more than one. But you’ll lose potency. You’ll be building on sand instead of soil. And the love you can give and receive will be lukewarm at best.

So the question then becomes: Is that true love?

My definition of love is truth, commitment, and all-or-nothing. And since love is an action, not just space you carry in your heart, there’s not enough time in the day to romantically love many. I say, if you’re going to love, love one. And love hard.

- John Kim

Immortality – Celine Dion

Note: A song about someone who doesn’t want to commit at the moment for they have another dream to reach. It’s kind of sad. Because you know, sometimes there will be no second chance. When you leave the come back, there is no guarantee the person will still be waiting for you.

Immortality Lyrics

from Let’s Talk About Love

So this is who I am

And this is all I know
And I must choose to live
For all that I can give
The spark that makes the power grow

And I will stand for my dream if I can
Symbol of my faith in who I am
But you are my only
And I must follow on the road that lies ahead
And I won’t let my heart control my head
But you are my only
And we don’t say goodbye
And I know what I’ve got to be

Immortality
I make my journey through eternity
I keep the memory of you and me inside

Fulfill your destiny
Is there within the child
My storm will never end
My fate is on the wind
The king of hearts, the joker’s wild
But we don’t say goodbye
I’ll make them all remember me

Cos I have found a dream that must come true
Every ounce of me must see it though
But you are my only
I’m sorry I don’t have a role for love to play
Hand over my heart I’ll find my way
I will make them give to me

Immortality
There is a vision and a fire in me
I keep the memory of you and me, inside
And we don’t say goodbye
We don’t say goodbye
With all my love for you
And what else we may do
We don’t say, goodbye