Menurut Pria, Wanita yang Tidak Dandan Lebih Menarik

KOMPAS.com - Bagi seorang wanita, tata rias tidak hanya untuk mempertegas garis wajah, namun juga mempercantik penampilan. Meskipun demikian, ternyata tidak semua pria memandang wanita yang mengenakan tata rias terlihat cantik atau memesona.

Studi yang dilakukan para peneliti dari Bangor University, Inggris, menampilkan foto-foto wanita sebelum dan sesudah mengenakan tata rias. Namun, para partisipan yang mengevaluasi foto-foto tersebut  menyatakan, bahwa wanita terlihat lebih menarik dengan tata rias natural. 

Nah, apa saja alasan pria lebih menyukai wanita yang mengenakan tata rias secara natural dan tidak berlebihan? Berikut penjelasannya. 

1. Menunjukkan Rasa Percaya Diri
Menurut Craig Malkin PhD, instruktur psikologi dari Harvard Medical School, Amerika Serikat, jika seorang wanita merasa bangga menampilkan tata rias yang natural, ini adalah salah satu tanda bahwa ia merasa nyaman dengan dirinya sendiri. “Penelitian juga menunjukkan bahwa rasa percaya diri membuat wanita terlihat lebih seksi,” imbuh Malkin.

2. Menunjukkan Kerendahan Hati 
Alex Jones PhD, peneliti psikologi dari Gettysburg College mengungkapkan, orang-orang memandang wajah yang tidak dihiasi tata rias lebih disukai dan dipercaya. Mengapa demikian? “Kemungkinan ini terjadi karena banyak yang mengasosiasikan jika seorang wanita menghabiskan banyak waktu untuk penampilan, tidak berbeda halnya dengan narsisme,” sebut Jones. 

3. Lebih Mudah Didekati
Malkin menjelaskan, para pria akan secara alami tertarik pada wanita ketika mereka merasa wanita tersebut fleksibel dan luwes. Wanita yang sibuk sendiri, termasuk mengaplikasikan tata rias yang tebal, terlihat susah untuk didekati. “Wanita yang tidak repot dengan penampilan terlihat seperti orang yang mudah diajak berbincang,” kata dia.

4. Kepribadiannya Terpancar 
Seorang mahasiswi bernama Annie Garau melakukan eksperimen yang membuatnya tidak berdandan selama setahun. Garau menemukan, tidak dandan ternyata membantunya memiliki pesona. “Saya belajar untuk bergantung pada kepribadian agar percaya diri. Saya menyukai fakta bahwa saya bisa masuk ke dalam ruangan yang penuh dengan orang asing dan tidak memikirkan penampilan saya, melainkan perilaku saya,” jelas Garau. 

5. Terlihat Lugu
Robert Burriss PhD, peneliti psikologi dari Northumbria University, Inggris, mengatakan, orang-orang mengasosiasikan tata rias yang tebal dengan fleksibilitas dalam hal seksual dan kurangnya keluguan. “Pria menilai seorang pasangan jangka panjang dari kurangnya pengalaman seksual dan kesetiaan. Jadi, tata rias natural sering diinterpretasikan sebagai kunci bahwa wanita akan menjadi istri yang baik,” papar Burriss. 

Sumber :

Penulis :

Sakina Rakhma Diah Setiawan
Editor :
Alvin Dwipayana

My Idea of PERFECT WIFE

I was just trying to wear a man’s shoes and here are the 5 points in order of importance, which i think should be owned by a PERFECT WIFE:

1. God-fearing: She must always remember and obey the God.

All her choices must be based on Al-Qur’an and Al-Hadits (if she’s a muslim). She doesn’t do that out of obligation, but because she knows God is the first she can always count on, the second is herself and the third is her Husband. This kind of woman won’t be impulsive in making decision, be it for herself or her family.

2. Beautiful Soul: “The beauty that addresses itself to the eyes is only the spell of the moment; the eye of the body is not always that of the soul.” as said by George Sand.

Beautiful Soul is the second most important in a Perfect Wife. I do believe a beauty comes from within. Even me as a woman, has always fallen in love with something that can’t be seen. I always stripped their physical attributes and looked inside their souls. Often when people asked me if the objects of my affection were handsome, i honestly couldn’t answer. I didn’t see them as a handsome being, i saw their souls and souls were not handsome. Souls are always Beautiful!

A Perfect Wife must has Beautiful Soul or she will be gradually be ugly, no matter how pretty her physical appearance is. Someone with Beautiful Souls loves easily and is easily loved. She is loving, caring, nurturing, gentle, patience, sweet-mannered and generous. People may not instantly notice her, but once they know her, they will always remember her. She’s just too impressive to forget because we don’t find a Beautiful Soul everyday.

3. Amazing Partner: We are all travelers in this world. Isn’t the travel will be much worthwhile if we have our beloved one on our sides?

I have always positioned myself as a co-pilot because i will only choose a Husband who can be my pilot, someone who can lead, you know? As a good co-pilot, a Perfect Wife must be competent enough to replace the leader (if needed), dependable, always ready to help, supportive, can think for herself, strong, independent and intelligent, of course. No, i didn’t tell you she should have superior IQ or multiple university degrees. The intelligence i’m talking here is a street smart that can make her innovative, wise and flexible in dealing with endless challenges during marriage life.

4. Entertaining: We see on the internet there are so many beautiful women. It has become scarier than before. The threats now are unlike in 90’s. Someone can just invade your marriage life in a second. Your Husband doesn’t need to go to striptease club. He can find women showing their cleavages (selling themselves cheap) anywhere. All he needs only internet access.

So what a Perfect Wife must do? Just like a saying, “Anything you don’t protect, you’ll lose.”. It holds the truth. Women often become too comfortable in marriage. They get too busy with their children and household then forget the Husband. Let’s be more rational here. If you were a Husband in this modern life, you would see many beautiful women on the internet, office, public transportation, TV, everywhere! What would you feel when you come home and see your Wife looking unattractive, sweaty with unpleasant expression?

Any normal Husband want the home to be like an oasis, not hell. He wants a shelter. A place to forget all difficulties out there. Like a mother’s womb. That’s why a Perfect Wife must be Entertaining! Not only for the eyes, but for the soul. To be Entertaining, a woman must be fun outside and inside. Besides having a beautiful skin, hair and body, a Perfect Wife must also be daring, creative, imaginative, humorous and adventurous. Not only in the bedroom, but in every aspect of marriage life.

5. Passionate: even though a Perfect Wife is an Amazing Partner, she must also has her own life. This is the thing that will make her stand out and being adored by her Husband forever. He will be secure because he doesn’t have to be the one who’s responsible in filling her time. A Perfect Wife has her own dreams and set of social life, outside the one she has with her husband.

7 Ways I Pushed Mr. Potential Away

Ever heard the popular science about how men know they’re falling in love after just three dates, but women don’t fall in love until 14 dates? Well, I’m a true woman. I even took longer than average women to realize my own feeling! I built high walls around my heart and never let guys climb over them. That’s why I’m never proud of my love life and always excited to listen to love stories.

I met Mr. Potential in 2014. It was like a dream came true. At least that’s what he said to me after our first meeting. Unfortunately, things didn’t always go as we expected it. Like a wise man’s saying, “If something is too good to be true, probably it is.”.

The months after meeting him was like a roller coaster ride to me. Mr. Potential had changed me A LOT. He, directly and indirectly, taught me lessons for life. Even though he didn’t turn out to be Mr. Right, I will forever be thankful for the priceless experience. It has inspired me to share the lessons with you, My Lovely Readers. Hope you enjoy reading this list of ways on how I had made Mr. Potential frustrated with me and finally decided to leave.

1. Being Insecure. 

My friends adored him! They said he’s amazing, but me… as insecure as i could be, i would say, “He’s too much for me. He’s too wise, nice, gentle, intelligent, …… I don’t think I deserve him.”. In fact, I’m actually too lazy to upgrade. I know, deep in my heart, i could be as amazing. I’m just still enjoying my ordinary life. I should just catch up with him!

2. Rarely Compliment Him

Yes, i may think he’s handsome, beautiful, brilliant, etc. He always found ways to compliment me. However, my insecurity made me think that he didn’t need the compliments. I think mine were not that valuable for him. After all, he always got a thousand compliments from others. Why should he need mine?

This insecurity of mine made he think he’s nothing for me. He thought i didn’t like him. He thought i didn’t feel the same way.

3. Tell Him, “We are friends.”

A few people told each other, “We are friends.” because even fools know it doesn’t need to be stated. Friendship is a natural thing. We just clicked, got comfortable, showed our true selves then we automatically are friends.

So it’s a strange thing to keep repeating, “We are friends”. It meant, both of us were actually confused. We were trying to know the real form of our puzzling relationship with each other. Stating “We are friends” could mean we’re convincing each other that we didn’t hope for more while deep inside, we did.

Another female friend of mine warned me, “If you like a guy, don’t ever tell him that you see him as a friend. It will make him think he has no hope with you. He’ll back off.”

Now I realize the importance to really listen and take warnings seriously.

4. Put Him Outside the Equation

I had always been confident of my intuition, but in the case of romantic love, i didn’t listen to it? Silly Girl! Yes, I may have been burned before, but how could i put a blame on him? He had just arrived. He’s not the same guys who hurt me. Why didn’t i give him a chance?

Worse, how could i tell him that I’m still searching for Mr. Right? While my intuition told me that Mr. Potential (who intentionally came to meet me, adored me, opened his heart to me, made sure i know how special I am to him) could be Mr. Right?

How on earth i could break his heart? I didn’t even put him inside the equation. I clearly told him that i didn’t see him.

5. Show Off Your Options

I used to be so focused on each guy i fell in love with. I intentionally let others go while holding on to one guy at one time. Once i made a decision, i’d dedicate all of me to them. I wasn’t  good at multi-tasking in the case of romance.

Until several years ago, i met a female friend who gave me this shitty advice: “No, you can’t just focus on one guy. That’s a waste of you. You have to keep others in your radar. Have options. So if that one guy you want most leaves, you still have choices.”

And with all my ignorance, combined with my curiosity, i followed her advice. I made it clear to him that, besides he’s not in the equation, he’s also only my options, as i had many. Now, I’m talking to myself, “You think you’re a trophy girl? Don’t you know that not all guys who desire you actually respect you?”

Well, i can tell myself now, after the disaster happened, that was one of the worst advices I’ve ever got in my 26 years of living!

6. Put Him in a Frame

Don’t accept him for who he really is! Yeah, try to change him. Make him feel he’s not enough. It will drive him crazy in the end.

Again, I’m talking to myself, “Who do you think you are? Perfection? Why couldn’t you celebrate his uniqueness? You should have learned him. Try to understand the reasons behind his behavior and actions! If it’s still bothering you, just ask him. Don’t assume. Trust him.”

7. Trying to Control Everything

I know everyone has standards in life. However, trying to control another person is bad. Setting rules. Asking him to obey. Getting upset if he did something that didn’t meet your expectations. Being like a dictator. Spoiled. Enough already!

 

Mr. Potential was my milestone. He helped me to grow. He prepared me for Mr. Right. I’m a better lover now!

Farewell, Mr. Potential. I’m letting you go. Not actually go because you will always be my friend. I’m letting you go from my heart because i need to empty it. I have promised myself, i will only keep one man in my heart. He’s my Mr. Right. The love of my life. True Love.

 

 

Unrequited Love: The Pain Of Loving Someone When It’s One-Sided

Loving someone is one of the most vulnerable positions in which you can be. You open your heart to another person and your best wish is for him or her to love you in return.

Unfortunately, life is not a Nicholas Sparks movie; love isn’t always reciprocated, and it doesn’t always end in a happily ever after.

I had to learn this hard truth, and chances are, you’re reading this because you have, too.

Sometimes, love isn’t a feeling you force upon yourself; it just happens.

When you start to spend more time with another human being, you expose yourself to whom he or she is — all the idiosyncrasies, past experiences, what makes him or her happy or sad, dreams and ambitions in life, flaws and the depths of his or her heart.

And you, in return, divulge your deepest secrets and desires. They know what it takes to make you laugh or feel special, and you build new memories together that make any torment of the past that much easier to bear. It makes you feel hopeful, and before you know it, you’re in love.

It is an incredibly vulnerable position because to me, loving someone entails giving away parts of yourself you lock up from the rest of the world.

We all have stories to which we quietly hold tightly and when you are finally able to reveal this to another person, it is a true sign of trust and a whole new level of intimacy.

Everything changes the moment you look at a person differently. You start to notice intricate details you didn’t before, like the curve of his or her lips, the frown line above his or her eyebrows and the way he or she laughs.

You realize how much you adore this person and what you would do to move mountains for him or her. Then, your heart starts to palpitate, fingers start to shake and it dawns on you that the next step won’t be easy — the declaration.

This is the scariest part. You either free your soul and spill, or die in torment to salvage whatever relationship you have. If you know for sure that how you feel is mutual, there is absolutely no risk involved. Otherwise, it is an excruciating experience that might make you wish you were hit by a truck.

The part where he or she tells you he or she doesn’t feel the same way or can’t date you for whatever reasons or is not ready to be in a relationship can be painful to hear. But, the reason is irrelevant — it still f*cking sucks.

Rejection is not pretty. It hurts. It brings on an onslaught of tears, heartache and self-loathing. This is the part where your shattered heart will start to ask questions like, “Why doesn’t he/she love me?” and your brain does this bullsh*t thing where it answers with, “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not loveable” or “I’m worthless.”

The next thing you know, you’re in sweatpants with a tub of ice cream and you call in sick to work because you can’t get out of bed. Rejection can be immobilizing.

Then, you have to deal with the “giving each other space” thing so you can stay friends or “never see each other ever again” because it’s awkward. It’s almost like a breakup! Then, you mourn the person’s absence and wonder if he or she thinks of you, too.

Then, you get even more depressed by the very thought of you being all emotional while he or she is probably off with someone better. Then, you wonder if he or she cares at all, even just a little bit. And then, you feel sorry for yourself.

After some time to grieve — weeks or maybe even months —, you might be able to wake up in the morning and breathe clearly again because it didn’t hurt so much.

You start doing the “I’m working on me” thing and it distracts you for a bit, but a song might come on the radio that reminds you of him or her, or someone asks you about that person, and the pain bleeds through the cracks of your trying-to-mend heart.

You want to call him or her just to see how he or she is, but maybe that’s too much. You have news to share with this person, like a new job or something interesting that happened, but maybe that’s too much, as well.

The worst thing that could happen is a relapse. And, you’re stuck with the feeling of “will this ever get better?”

You move on with your life, fearing you’ll never open your heart that way again. You also fear no one will be able to steal your heart again.

Perhaps the sun will shine over the dark clouds one day and you will have your moments of hope and faith — hope that it will get better soon and faith that it will all make sense.

You didn’t understand because in your eyes, the two of you would have been an unstoppable force and an amazing love story. You wish that he or she could see the beautiful world through your lenses — a romance entangled with heated debates, bad fights and passionate sex.

The truth is, he or she will never understand. He or she will never understand how happy you could have made him or her or how it feels to be loved by you. And that, in the end, is the saddest, most painful part of it all.

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