Daily Affirmation

Today i have decided to love myself with every scar and blemish.

Asymmetrical almond eyes with short eye lashes and medium eye brows. Plus dark circles under them.

Undefined lip shape.

Nose?

And of course, my skin tone which is darker than average.

My cheeks have lost their fats.

Whatever it is.

This is me and i’m proud of being whatever God has created me to be.

I’m in the phase of accepting myself fully.

I’m free from the evil beauty standard made by the media.

No one can affect me anymore :D

Move On Dari Hantu Cinta Pertama? MAU?

Sudah beberapa hari hati ini terasa gundah. Semua karena ada seseorang bilang pada saya bahwa dia masih sering mengenang cinta pertamanya. Dia bahkan sangat yakin bahwa dia tidak akan lagi jatuh cinta atau pun mencintai seperti pada cinta pertama. Saat itu, hati ini retak, ugh sakit sekali karena saya sebenarnya memiliki perasaan khusus pada orang itu.

Itulah Kutukan Hantu Cinta Pertama!

Semua yang pertama tentu memiliki kesan mendalam bagi kita. Saat kita pertama kali merasakan jantung berdetak kencang, hilang nafsu makan, ingin bertemu setiap waktu, dan berbagai gejala jatuh cinta. Saat dimana semua begitu menakutkan, kita harus memilih ingin melawan rasa takut itu dengan mengungkapkan kepada cinta pertama kita atau memilih menguburnya, tetapi seumur hidup penasaran.

Suatu kali, seorang teman yang telah menikah mengatakan pada saya, “Setiap saya dengar lagu (maaf, saya lupa judulnya), saya teringat lagi cinta pertama saya. Saya ingin sekali menikahinya, tetapi tidak berhasil mendapatkan restu orang tuanya karena saya tidak satu suku dengan dia.”. Dulu, saya hanya mendengar dan tidak berpikir terlalu banyak. Namun sekarang, rasanya saya ingin melayangkan tinju ke mukanya. Bagaimana dia yang telah menikah dan memiliki dua orang anak masih bisa berbicara seperti itu?

Mungkin pembaca heran kenapa saya gunakan terminologi kutukan dan hantu yang terkesan sangat negatif? Ya karena terus mengenang cinta pertama itu memang hanya membawa dampak negatif. Kita akan sulit membuka hati ataupun merasakan kebahagian sejati dalam hubungan yang kita miliki saat ini.

Saya bukannya tidak punya cinta pertama. Ada. Pria pertama yang membuat saya menangis setiap saya sendiri bahkan di tempat umum. Saya tidak mau keluar rumah sekitar beberapa minggu. Saya perlu waktu berbulan-bulan untuk dapat berpikir dan bekerja normal. Saya ingin sekali dapat menghapus dia dari memori saya. Saya berharap tidak pernah mengenalnya. Saya benci dia. Saya berusaha menarik perhatiannya. Saya pura-pura tidak peduli lagi padanya. Saya melakukan berbagai hal bodoh yang lumrah dilakukan setiap orang yang patah hati.

Perlu waktu sekitar dua tahun hingga saya akhirnya sanggup berdamai dengan kenyataan pahit bahwa dia tidak akan pernah kembali. Dalam kurun waktu dua tahun itu, tentu ada beberapa pria yang mencoba menarik hati saya, tetapi karena memang tidak berjodoh, mereka semua berlalu begitu saja. Akhirnya saya pun memutuskan untuk melepasnya dengan mengirimkan surat dan hadiah. Dalam surat itu, saya mengungkapkan apa yang harusnya telah saya ungkapkan saat saya masih punya kesempatan berinteraksi langsung dengannya. Saat itu, dengan menakjubkan hati saya terasa lega. Dia hanya mengucapkan terima kasih lewat e-mail. Tidak ada yang lebih dari sopan santun itu. Saya tahu artinya semua benar-benar telah berakhir. Saat itu, saya dapat menerima dengan ikhlas dan siap menjalani hidup saya tanpa beban dari masa lalu. Saya siap mencintai suami masa depan saya dengan sepenuh hati!

Dari pengalaman pribadi saya itu pun saya menemukan jawaban. Kunci dari moving on adalah dengan menyelesaikannya. Bila kita atau pun orang-orang yang kita sayangi masih ada yg selalu gagal move on, cara terbaik bukan lah berusaha melupakan, tetapi justru berani menerima kenyataan dan menghadapinya. Luapkan semua yang mengganjal. Temui dia atau tulislah surat. Ungkapkan semuanya yang belum sempat diungkapkan. Itulah satu-satunya cara berani untuk menyelesaikan permasalahan yang terkesan tidak ada solusinya ini. Cari jawaban itu.

Apabila pasangan kita yang ternyata masih terganjal cinta pertama, berjiwa besarlah. Bantu dia. Dukung dia. Lebih baik dia selesaikan itu dan move on kan daripada hatinya selalu dihantui. Apa sih yang terburuk yang bisa terjadi? Takut dia balikan lagi dengan cinta pertama? Bukankah itu lebih baik daripada kita tidak pernah tahu apakah dia total mencintai kita atau tidak? Lebih baik kita ikhlaskan dia dan beri kesempatan orang lain untuk menjadikan kita sebagai cinta sejatinya bukan?

Setujukah Anda dengan saya? Ditunggu ya sharing pengalaman atau pendapatnya disini :)

Mature Love vs Immature Love

Originally posted on What Is Real True Love?:

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Erich Fromm, in “The Art of Loving,” wrote, “Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says: ‘I need you because I love you’.”

The first statement is based on dependency—I am dependent on you, I am under-developed as a person, I am young and I am just starting out in adulthood and I am glomming onto you, relying on you to support me emotionally and psychologically (maybe even financially), to validate me, to give me a sense of who I am, to make me feel special,  loved, wanted, valuable, complete, to compliment me, to make me feel better, to make my life better, easier, more fun, and because you are doing that, and because I am getting all of that from you and this relationship right now, that is why I “love” you. (But should that change, I’ll look elsewhere…

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Plato & Socrates on Love, Marriage, Affair & Life

One day, Plato asked Socrates, his teacher and mentor, “What is love?”

Socrates replied, “Plato, take a walk through the wheat field nearby. Without turning back, walk forward, and pick the most magnificent stalk of wheat you can find. However, you are allowed to pick only one.”

Plato followed Socrates’ instructions, confident that he would find the best stalk of wheat in the field. Before long though, he returned empty-handed. Socrates asked, “Why have you picked nothing?” Plato replied, “I had found the most magnificent stalk of wheat as soon as I walked into the field, but since I was only allowed one pick, and I could not turn back, I thought I could find a better one further ahead. However, I could not find a better one as I kept searching, so I returned with none.”

“And that is love,” said Socrates.

Some days later, Plato asked Socrates another question. “What is marriage,” he asked. Socrates answered: “Go to the woods, and as before, without turning back, bring me back the best and strongest tree in the forest. Again, you’re only allowed to choose one, so choose wisely.”

Plato walked through the woods, and returned soon after with a tree. However, the tree was not strong nor tall. Socrates asked him, “Is this the best tree in the forest?” Plato answered, “No, but I didn’t want to return empty handed like last time, and while I’m sure there are better trees in the forest, I felt I could not afford to miss the opportunity at this tree.”

“And that is marriage,” said Socrates.

On yet another day, Plato asked, “What is an affair?” Socrates answered, in his usual way, “Head to the woods, and look for the most beautiful flower. This time, you’re allowed to look wherever you want, and you can retrace your steps if you must.” Plato, given these instructions, went into the woods full of confidence. In a short time, he had found the most beautiful, most colorful blooming flower in the forest, and picked it out of the soil for his return. As he returned, however, the flower began to wilt. When he arrived, Socrates asked, “Is this the most beautiful flower in the forest?” Plato answered, “Yes, I discovered this most beautiful of flowers, but as I returned, the flower began to lose its color and beauty.”

“And that, is an affair,” said Socrates.

Now older and wiser, Plato asked Socrates once more, “What is life?” Socrates pondered for a moment, and told Plato, “As before, go to the woods, and find the most beautiful flower there is. You can go anywhere, and pick as many as you want.” Remembering all his previous experiences, Plato walked into the woods again. But after three days and three nights, he had still not returned. Socrates, with a bit of concern, went out in search of Plato. Before long, Socrates had found him, in a makeshift camp that Plato had set up. He asked Plato, “Have you found the most beautiful of flowers?” Plato pointed to a flower right next to his camp site, and said, “That is the most beautiful flower in the forest.” Socrates inquired, “Why have you not picked it yet?” Plato answered thoughtfully, “If I pick it, it would wither like the last one. But even if I don’t pick it, it will wither and die sooner or later. So while it is in full bloom, I will live beside it, admiring it from here. When it finally wilts, I will look for the next most beautiful flower. This is already the second flower.”

Socrates took this in, and said, “Now you understand the essence of life.”

Note: This is one of the most beautiful story i’ve ever heard of and caused me goosebumps! Thanks Yim for your post. I was looking for it!

Dreams – The Cranberries

All my life
Is changing every day
In every possible way

In all my dreams
It’s never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems

I know I’ve felt like this before
But now I’m feeling it even more
Because it came from you

Then I open up and see
The person falling here is me
A different way to be

I warn more
Impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore

They’ll come true
Impossible not to do
Impossible not to do

Now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don’t hurt me
You’re what I couldn’t find

Totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You’re everything to me

All my life
Is changing every day
In every possible way

And oh my dreams
It’s never quite as it seems
Cause you’re a dream to me
Dream to me