8 Signs You’re Ready for Marriage | MeetMindful

8 Signs You’re Ready for Marriage | MeetMindful.

by Suzanne Muller

1. You only want to focus on one person.

You’ve dated different people, maybe a lot of people. Dating can be exhilarating, yet jumping from person to person can be exhausting. Relationships take time, effort and energy. I knew I was ready to get married when I wanted to solely focus on him. I was fed up with dating games. I realized that I would rather give my undivided attention to this relationship and have him be the center of my heart than try to give little bits of me here and there. 

2. Your family and friends can see how happy you are with this person.

Your friends and family have known you the longest and know you best. You will be able to feel if they like who you are as a couple together. You want friends and family to bless your marriage. There were a handful people whose permission I requested. They gave me a big fat “yes.”  One said, “I would marry you myself right now if I could.” That’s when I really knew I had their undivided support of our union.

3. Your heart says “go.” 

In addition to the green light from family and friends, your heart will feel at peace about being married. You may still be nervous, but deep down you recognize that you are well-equipped for the adventure of marriage. It is a gut feeling and instinct that only you have about what’s next for your relationship. My mom always tells me, “When your head, your heart and your gut are all aligned then it’s right, and not until then.” Aren’t moms great?

4. You’re a little nervous about committing to marriage.

Being married is a commitment that should not be taken lightly. If you are nervous, that’s all right. It’s actually a good thing. It shows you care, and the commitment is important. I was nervous the night before my wedding. I had some doubts and even wondered if I was making the right choice, but when I said, “I do,” I meant it. I actually told him that I would not meet him at the altar if I had any doubts that were unaddressed. We had many long, deep conversations before we walked down the aisle. Honestly, I wasn’t nervous at all on the day of my wedding. Having talked through our concerns made declaring our vows to each other even more pure and sweet.

5. You have gained the skills to work through the bumps in the road.

Disagreements and arguments are inevitable (and healthy) in relationships. You have to develop the ability to resolve issues to completion. An issue will linger when you don’t iron it out as a couple. You may be tempted to use it against each other later, which leads to bigger problems. Clearing up issues can be fast and easy if you have a set of tools that works for both of you. These skills—speaking your truth, apologizing and listening to each other’s viewpoint—are a must before saying “I do.”

6. Saying “I’m sorry” is easy. 

It can be so simple. Yet, why is it so hard to say you’re sorry? If you cannot say it, you may be destined for divorce if you decide to marry anyway. That’s the reality. I knew I was ready to be married when I could easily say, “I’m sorry for being a jerk.” Think again if you believe apologizing gives away your powerit’s quite the opposite. Things will get under your skin or hit a nerve sometimes. It’s human. Being attached to being right only causes distance and friction, the opposite of the love, affection and fun that you truly desire. When you can truthfully and authentically say, “I’m sorry,” you’ll have a skill that’s needed in a long-term marriage.

7. You’ve learned how to be transparent.

Transparent? Eeek! Yes, meaning all your cards are on the table. Nothing is withheld. Nada. You can talk with your future husband or wife about anything: kids, cleanliness, money, sex, travel, dreams, work, family, politics and religion. Until you can easily disclose your true feelings about these subjects, I recommend you stay in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. There is a big difference between, “What is your favorite color,” and, “Would you like to have children?” You must discuss the important areas before you tie the knot. You won’t agree on everything. It just means you are willing to talk openly so there are no surprises.

8. Life with this person is better than without. 

Three years ago when I started dating my husband, I knew there was something different about him. As time went on, our togetherness had a certain flow. He made my life better and brought something to it that no other man ever had. I didn’t want him to get away. I wanted what he brought to my life. Did he make me nuts at times, and vice versa? Surely. Do I do things that make him crazy? Absolutely! Could I have gone out and met someone else? Yes. Could he? Of course. I never thought I would get married. I thought I could be happy in a healthy dating relationship, but something shifted. It was time, and I could authentically give my word to him. My heart, my gut and my head were aligned. I could yell from the rooftop that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, I could build a life with him, and I wanted him all to myself.

If you can identify these signs for yourself as you’re considering tying the knot, you are on a wonderful path to marrying the right person for you. It’s not a decision to be taken lightly. Being confident that you feel ready for this lifelong commitment will give you an excellent chance of living happily ever after with a partner.

 

How to Meet a Mindful Mate | MeetMindful

How to Meet a Mindful Mate | MeetMindful.

by

1. Gaze Inward

Perhaps it’s the writer in me that always wants to sit down and analyze myself, but without understanding what one is actually looking for then it is much harder to find. 

Use these prompts:

What is love?

How do you want to be loved?

How do you want to love others?

How is life is best fulfilled?

Who are you?

Who do you want to be?

These are not easy questions; there’s no need to rush through them, this is about getting deeper in order to open further and expand opportunity. 

Understanding the how, what, why and who of one’s own concepts of love will help reel in that exact thing. 

2. Reflect Outward

Become the person you want to date. Sure opposites attract, but most relationships have common ground when it comes to the important traits like honesty, trust, loyalty, sense of humor, thoughtfulness etc. because those are the things humans generally want from each other. Opening up and truly being those things that you want to be and want to have takes vulnerability, it takes moving away from the safety of cynicism and control and tapping into a more exposed “you.”

Many people feel deep down that for some reason or another they don’t deserve happiness and so they shut people out and surround themselves with unfulfilling events and people. We all deserve happiness, it’s okay to have it and give it to others.  

3. Embrace Imperfections

That which is not perfect is way more common than that which is and so accepting that helps one grow. There are two ways to do this. One is accepting the things that cannot change and loving them anyway, like having a big nose or thin lips or a strong southern accent. Another is recognizing an imperfection and trying to improve upon it, like having road rage and channeling that anger into red light meditations or being clingy and learning how to give someone else space. 

We are always works in progress, but understanding who we are and just “being” with that and loving that is just as important too. 

4. Establish your Dealbreakers 

Sure there are plenty of situations, habits, ugly kahki pants that can be taken care of in a relationship, but figure out the things that are not tolerable. Big things like, marriage, children, religion, finances, housing, pets, lifestyle and health as well as the smaller things like looks, cleaning ability, diet etc. should be taken into account. It’s okay if the dealbreakers seem shallow or vain or silly, they are yours and only you can know what you can live with and what you prefer to live without. 

5. Discover Your Passions and Do Them

There is nothing wrong with actively searching for a mate by utilizing online dating, friends and family and regularly meeting people, but that shouldn’t be all of one’s free time. A majority of one’s free time should be spent doing passion-filled activities, or at least the search for them.

If searching for a mindful mate, mindful living practices may be the best areas to explore; something fitness related like hiking or ultimate Frisbee, something spiritual related like yoga or meditation. Local volunteering is always a great way to give back and perhaps meet someone likeminded (though that shouldn’t be the main goal). Whatever one truly loves doing they should do it, others with the same love will show up. 

6. Project 

This may seem a little hokey but it can actually work. Project what you want into the universe. Make that dream guy or gal come to life by visualizing who they are and focusing of finding those qualities in another. Say it out loud. Maybe even put it on a vision board if you’re into that kind of thing. Write it out. Make finding a mindful mate a concrete priority for your life, or else, who knows, you might end up going on as many bad dates as I have and trust me, it’s not necessary.

What Needs to Go Before You Find Real Love | MeetMindful

What Needs to Go Before You Find Real Love | MeetMindful.

by Tamara Star

I want you to do three things right now.

1. Write down the names of all your significant others.

Put each name at the top of a piece of paper, one name per paper. Next, I want you to write down the things you loved about each one. Admit them, there were good things about everyone. Be generous, make a long list, and be honest.

Even lying, cheating, disappointments had good traits or you wouldn’t have been attracted to them in the first place. Think hard and remember.

2. Turn the negatives to positives.

Next, here’s the tricky part. I want you to list all the negatives you experienced in each of those relationships and turn them into positive gifts you were given. Let’s say one partner cheated on you. What you write down is this:I learned that loyalty, monogamy and honesty are traits I value.

Perhaps a partner of yours was chronically late. I want you to write, I learned that I value punctuality.

Instead of carrying a memory of an outcome you didn’t like, you instead play that relationship out to completion by seeing the gifts you were given. When you do this, you walk forward with positive memories in your heart, you feel empowered, rather than victimized, and you vibrate with positive energy and anticipation. We seal off our old hurts and fears of the future with a solid period at the end of the sentence, because we see the gifts of our past.

The past does not have to equal the future when we take the crap we were thrown & turn it into fertile compost for our future.

3. Quit beating yourself up for all of your failures in love.

Ever start a job you didn’t like?

Every failure in life, actually gets you closer to what you DO want.

Sometimes we have to taste something bad to know we don’t like it, and love unfolds this same way.

Think back on all of those relationships.

You definitely learned what you liked, and obviously learned what you didn’t like, right? Next round, you won’t stick your hand in that honey pot if it appears to have those less than desirable traits.

You’re smarter. You choose more wisely.

When we remove our “so-called relationship failures” from memory, our self-esteem can free itself from the negative muck and soar.

There are no mistakes. Every past failure led you somewhere. Even miserable life occurrences, when reflected upon, took you towards something new. What we must realize is this: all those past relationship failures were also leading us towards something new….the right person…..real love.

How to Know if He’s ‘The One’ | MeetMindful

How to Know if He’s ‘The One’ | MeetMindful.

by Sara Crolick

“The One” isn’t a fable; he isn’t a mythological force. He doesn’t exist in the deepest recesses of our imagination alone.

He’s as influential as the moon; as constant as the sun. He lives and breathes in this world—this literal, physical place—and if you listen and trust and try, you’ll stumble into his arms and never lose your footing again.

When you’ve found him, you’ll know. Deep in the pit of your stomach, where your deepest, intuitive thoughts are birthed, you’ll know. He’ll become a permanent fixture there, a grounding force that leads you again and again to home.

You’ll know he’s “The One” when your life has been compromised, forever changed. This newness will be alien and awkward, but delightful and inspiring too. You’ll fumble through sentences that never quite articulate the bliss that surges beneath your skin, but you’ll also feel more “you” than you’ve ever known yourself to be.

“The One” will light up your most-authentic self. He’ll breathe life into dormant pockets of power and quell the fires of self-doubt. You’ll rediscover the pieces of you that are magnificent. He’ll bring your beauty—your unique, unadulterated beauty—into focus and you’ll gasp at the sight.

You’ll grow and have the energy to grow more; you’ll love with a brave heart. You’ll risk everything, even heartache, to walk hand-in-hand with this man.

Because “The One” will challenge everything you’ve ever believed about love and marriage and human connection.

He’ll bend preconceived ideas about what love looks like. He’ll be the most beautiful sight you’ve ever laid your eyes on, you’ll devour every delicious ‘flaw’ and smile in disbelief that this is the man you call yours.

He’ll transform your definition of trust; because never before were you able to trust so effortlessly, so purely. And never-before did you know such unyielding commitment to another heart.

You’ll see the world through a new set of eyes. You’ll find yourself thinking, I can’t wait to tell him about this. And when you do finally see him, you’ll be so wrapped up in the moment you’ll forget you ever had anything to say.

Life will be filled with intense conversation followed by spells of comfortable silence. You’ll know peace. You’ll know joy. You’ll laugh until tears leak from your smiling eyes.

There will be a feeling of falling, but this isn’t a passive event. You’ll fall together, you’ll fall deep into the earth where you’ll send out roots—a foundation—of love, before you rise together, stronger than either of you could manage alone. And you’ll move to the sky with outstretched arms and the whole world will spin around you, through your fingers. You’ll feel alive. You’ll see that with stability comes a special kind of freedom.

With this man by your side, you have a chance to evolve in ways you never could without this mirror. He will shine light on your injuries, the ones you’d just as easily keep hidden from the world. You’ll see pieces of your past break the surface of your today and you’ll face them; because things have changed. You have changed. Love has entered a sacred space in your heart.

He’s your north star. He’s safety. He’s home.

And when your head falls on your pillow, you’ll drift steadily toward sleep. The events of the day, the wishes for tomorrow, they’ll fade in and out, swaying delicately between wakefulness and slumber. The final face you’ll see will be his, and the night will know that yes, now it’s safe to carry you off to sleep.

The First Time in Relationship (4)

The first time you look at them and think, if I was going to promise something as crazy as forever, I’d promise it with you, and you’re like, wow, I get how people decide to get married, because this person actually makes me believe in that forever kind of love that people have been writing sappy poetry about for ages. – Jamie Varon

The First Time in Relationship (3)

The first time you tell them your biggest, darkest secret and they listen and kiss you on the cheek and say thank you for telling them and you’re all, wait, why was I so worried about telling them that? And you think, our relationship just got to a new level of deep because they know that part of me and still love me, maybe even they love me more after knowing and that’s pretty awesome. – Jamie Varon

The First Time in Relationship (2)

The first time you realize that you’re more yourself with this person than anyone else, even your best friend, which then sends you into an identity crisis, because this person has totally accepted you exactly as you are and you didn’t even realize it until you did that weird single person behavior in front of them and they shrugged it off and said, meh, wanna cook dinner? – Jamie Varon